After a lengthy absence, induced by an incident outside a public house in Bury St Edmunds, I am back to share my considerable wit and wisdom to a starved public.
Greetings to you all, little people.
I expect many of you are making phone calls and sending messages around the globe at the sight of this blog post. I know, I know. its all very exciting. but calm yourselves dears or you'll do yourselves a dreadful mischief.
I'm off to Cannes in just over a week.
Before you ask, I will not be publicly revealing when or indeed exactly where, for fear of a stampede. i can reveal however that I will be making my own moral stance this year.
let me explain...
Cannes used to be about filmmaking and the promotion and platform of new international film talent.
Well, in recent years, I was delighted to see that loathsome trend had come to an end, and these foreign types had finally cottoned on to the fact that the festival should be about tits and grins, with a fair dollop of botox into the bargain.
Finally, these wretched little films with their drugs and anti-war messages had been shown the exit door, and we were left to the superficial debauchery of fame and glamour. Just as it should be.
So. Why am I aggrieved you may ask?
Well. this year, i hear that there is talk of the 'independent spirit' returning. I've even heard of a film that is screening that doesn't have a star in it! What utter outrage. it's like biting into a chocolate cake and finding its made of shit. A profound kick in the teeth.
Well... I for one will be trotting around La Croissette in protest. Shouting and bawling and behaving disgracefully.
I intend to eat and drink until I literally pop.
i intend to visit every brothel, every beach party, and the inside of every young mouth I can safely place my genitalia.
and I won't bloody stop.
It's a small gesture, but I think they'll be forced to take me seriously.
Saturday 10 May 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
