I've just woken from a coma, and frankly I'm not happy.
Apparently, it's 2008! Well that's news to me.
I've also looked at the mirror and I appear to be very old indeed. Which also seems jolly unfair.
It seems I was found face down in an alley in London's Soho a month ago, with a nasty rash and no money. I think that's why there appears to still be some kind of itching under my hospital jim-jams.
I notice the world of film has ground to a halt in my absence, so as soon as I get out of this dreary place I intend to embark upon my next epic 'Satan's Foot', which I believe will be my biggest (indeed, my only) hit to date.
I can only be brief, as I had but 50 pence to spend on internet access and I'm keeping back the other 20p to bribe one of the nurses to rigorously interfere with my privates.
At my age one needs to really thrash the old chap about to get any kind of reaction, and even then he seems pre-occupied.
Good afternoon to you all, and remember to use the 'sanitary gel' on the way out.
